Tomorrow I turn 35. I have no big plans – just a quiet dinner with family, but still it feels like one of those “milestone” birthdays. I’ve been reflecting on the path that brought me here. I’ve mulled over all of the challenges and choices and lessons that brought me to this age, this frame of mind, these circumstances, the state of my health and of my relationships. I have looked back at years of thoughts and dreams and accomplishments and failures immortalized in ink. In journals, unsent letters sitting in boxes, tiny scraps of paper carelessly tossed into drawers. Reliving what the world looked like through the eyes of younger versions of myself is such a uniquely interesting experience. To celebrate, I thought I would share two gems I found. One is scrawled on a piece of scrap paper that seems to wind up in different boxes each time I move (apparently saved many times over from the recycling bin). The other is from a journal that documented a particularly difficult year. I’ve read both of them many times. I find myself wondering about the moments when these thoughts spilled out of my brain, not sure exactly what prompted them at the time, but always amused that they remain relevant and empowering, no matter where I am or what I’m facing.
I have dreamed of being a writer, a dancer, a mother, an explorer, a journalist, a teacher, a scientist, a wife, an advocate, a traveler, a well person….my list goes on and on. Today, on my birthday, I dream most of being an independent person, open to new love, with the possibility of a career. They might not seem like big dreams, but from inside the walls of the pain I live with every day – they are my Everest, and I am busy collecting the tools I will need to conquer it. Life keeps on happening, and so do I.
TOMORROW I WILL DO BETTER. No matter how good or bad or mediocre my days are, I will always strive to do better, to be better. I will challenge myself to dig deeper; to think bigger, to be more generous, to love more openly, to be more kind. I will try harder to forgive others and to forgive myself. I will concentrate less on everyone’s faults (including my own..especially my own) and to BE MORE POSITIVE! I will SMILE more and LAUGH more and DO more to create happiness. I will focus on the good around me and in me. I will endeavor to learn more and cultivate new skills, new friendships and new hobbies. I will be more productive. I will have more fun. I will be a better friend, daughter, sister, self…
Nothing in this world ever changes if we focus on besting one another. We must challenge ourselves. Progress comes when we commit not just to TRY, but each and every day to DO better than we did the day before. So today, and every day, I promise that TOMORROW I WILL DO BETTER!!!