A crack of thunder so loud it shook my building a little while ago and interrupted Chloe’s afternoon nap on my lap. She’s now hiding under the couch. I sort of wish I could hide under there too. Not from the thunder, just because it’s one of those days where my mood is very much like the downpour that darkened the day outside. Unlike the storm that passed quickly and gave way to the beautiful sunshine, my mood is not improving. Instead I’m battling with pharmacies and prescription discount programs and doctor’s offices.
I am tired. Exhausted really. Which would sound insane to the average person given that the most strenuous thing I have done today was to make ginger tea to settle my stomach. I’m coming off of one of my medications that has been wreaking havoc on my body for months. While I am glad to be getting off of it (and excited at the prospect of losing all the weight is has caused me to gain!) the process of ending it is quite challenging. It is disrupting my already troubled sleep, making me throw up, exacerbating my migraines (primarily due to the sleep disturbance). I have to make concessions. Worse – the people I love do as well. I could not make it to my mother’s house for MOTHER’S DAY. Irritating beyond belief. I finally live close enough to be with her in person on the day meant to celebrate her and in stead I was stuck home in bed. But in a few weeks I will feel better. Less sick, more energetic, hopefully in less pain and I will go spend much more quality time with her.
So I didn’t get to do what I had planned today. Instead I am barely staying awake, attempting not to further disrupt my sleep tonight by giving in to the temptation to nap this afternoon. I was up almost all of last night throwing up. No matter how many times I brush my teeth I can’t get the smell of vomit out of my nostrils. But I worked on some jewelry. What should have taken minutes took much longer and it wasn’t much to show for the day, but I made something beautiful. And that’s something.
Sometimes we have to measure success in different increments. One day it means cleaning the house; another it means scraping up enough energy to shower and eat. Today it is getting through. And making that necklace was a bonus.